what I learned today

Purple People Eater

2006-10-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

I just learned that Barak Obama, my President, has the unfortunate middle name of 'Hussein'. Is it cynical of me to suspect that somewhere some ignorant somebody would vote against him for this? Or is it open-eyed knowledge of how dumb people sometimes choose to be?

What I Learned on My Fall Vacation

2006-10-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

1. The word Anasazi is no longer kosher among those in the archeological community. Though I've always understood the Navajo word to mean "ancient ones" apparently a small change in inflection can change it's meaning to "ancient enemy" and there is now fear that it was originally meant as a slur not as a simple description. The new term sweeping the National Park Service is "ancestral puebloans" which to my ear sounds sadly clinical. Whatever.

2. McDonald's, those dirty sons-of-bitches, have started serving a pretty decent cup of coffee.

3. A petroglyph is an image carved into rock. A pictograph is an image painted onto rock. Either can depict visitations by ancient alien astronauts.

4. The Colorado Plateau is a vast elevated area composing much of the southwest. It was, over thirty million years or so, thrust upward from sea level to around seven to eight thousand feet by angry tectonic plates. It is the second largest such plateau in the world. Only Tibet's plates are angrier.

5. My old high school, Laguna-Acoma Jr-Sr High School, has shut down and is overgrown with weeds. I hated that place while an inmate but it's downfall brings me no joy. Go Hawks.

6. When on a 2360-mile road trip you must do all you can not to get into a fight with your girlfriend.

7. Kokopelli was once an important and revered fertility deity to the peublo people. He was associated with birth, crops, rain and spring. He also was a trickster god who would hide his detachable kokopenis in rivers waiting for supple young maidens to come bathe. My mom has told me that he also had a practical use as a scape-goat for otherwise unexplainable pregnancies. These days all that old timey stuff has tumbleweeded away into the dusty past. Kokopelli has found modern-day employment as a deity of cheap commerce, now associated with mugs, lawn ornaments, hideous plush dolls in American flag colors, throw rugs, automobile air fresheners, t-shirts, stickers, hats, figurines, windchimes, baby bibs, carabiner-equiped Nalgene bottles, pajamas, et al. Think of any object in the universe. There is most likely a Kokopelli-branded version of it for sale somewhere in the southwest. My girlfriend and I have had a longstanding game of Kokopelli-punching, wherein the first one to spot a kokopelli is entitled to punch the other. On our recent trip through the southwest, however, we had to ammend those rules or neither of us would have survived the beating.

8. The actual 4-corners of the 4-corners area is a three-dollar waste of time.

9. You just cannot find decent fry-bread anymore. I know it was originally fried in lard, though I'm not certain that's the taste that my reptile brain is craving. Maybe the dough is different? I'm not sure what has changed. Oh well.

Hippo Talk

2006-09-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

Hippos can talk their crazy hippo language underwater and above water simultaneously!

Hippos don't open their mouths to vocalize their thoughts but instead grunt, hum and squeal through their noses, which just barely peek out of the water, while the majority of their blubbery girth remains below the surface. Sound does not travel well from air to water or from water to air so the clever hippo had to figure out an ingeneous workaround. They utilize the massive ring of fat hanging around their necks as a speaker. Their hippo noises reverberate through this layer and radiate out into the water around them.

The End

Secrets Revealed!

2006-09-15T10:37:00.000-07:00

Mickey Rooney was not born with that friendly and innocuous name. No. He was born as Joe Yule Jr. which sounds to me like some kind of terrorist. One more reason not to trust that jerk.

Sufferin Skeletons

2006-09-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

1. Instead of using an endoskeleton like you and me or an exoskeleton like our insect friends, caterpillars use something called a hydrostatic skeleton to keep their shape and protect their innards. High pressure fluids protected by a tough elastic skin keep all their doo-dads where they are supposed to be. Regulating the pressure of the fluid also aids in locomotion in concert with their little bug muscles.

2. Word of the day is 'Soteriology' which is the study of religious salvation especially in it's relationship to suffering.

3. Today I learned that John Hodgman has a blog!

word to your mother...or not

2006-08-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

Another word today. It's 'Abortifacient', which I learned from reading another blog. It means any substance meant to induce an abortion.

Vocal Minorities

2006-08-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

I've learned a new re-purposing of a familiar word today, ala 'spam'. When a group or individual wants to create the illusion of broad popular support for a movement or opinion it's known as 'astroturf', the artificial form of 'grassroots'. I love this term! It's so tidy! The literal meanings of the two translate so aptly to their metaphorical meanings.

Pilgrims and Planets

2006-08-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

1. The Puritans of Plymouth Rock fame believed that marriage should be a strictly civil affair, a belief probably picked up from the Dutch during their exile in Holland. This from the Nathaniel Philbrick book, Mayflower.

2. In addition to Pluto the The International Astronomical Union (IAU) also designated as 'dwarf planets' two asteroids; Ceres and (unofficially named) Xena.

3. Today I learned about a very nice family-owned Italian restaurant called Scarantino's which is within walking distance of my apartment. It's great.

sic semper tyrannis

2006-08-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

1. John Wilkes Booth's elder brother Edwin was the most respected Shakespearian actor of his day. He also may well have saved the life of Robert Lincoln, Abe's son, by pulling him onto a train platform after he had fallen onto the rails.

2. Couscous is made from semolina flour, usually from durum wheat.

3. The Rod of Asclepius, symbol of the medical arts, might be derived from the ancient treatment for infestation by guinea worms; slowly extracting them from the host by winding them around a stick.